I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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