I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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