Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
