I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I smell stomach acid.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize