I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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