It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
