I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
