.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize