I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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