Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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