my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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