the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
