she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
