hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
that's an acceptable place to lick
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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