I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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