What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
