You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
