no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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