Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
did i walk over a car last night?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
