Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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