your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
