Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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