My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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