I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
