Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
