Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
