And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
love makes seman taste better
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize