I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
