i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
