I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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