She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
