ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
