Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No subtext here. People are naked.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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