I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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