he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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