Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
