You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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