I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
