I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
