After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize