Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
