Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
