I want to walk on stilts...naked
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
