omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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