fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
