first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
