no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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