like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
