I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
