I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
