I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
