she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
