this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize