you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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