Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
