I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
