I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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