the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
this is an emotional support booty call
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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