how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
