I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
