Plan B is the new Plan A
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
