I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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