I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
