mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
