We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize