probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
