Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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