Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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