I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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