do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
