the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
