There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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