"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
two words...techno handjob
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
