His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
