i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
